Medical school was never for me. All those extra years of schooling, cash required, and the fact that you have someone’s life in your hands was almost more of a deterrent to me than a boon. Look, I’ve beaten Dark Souls. I know what it’s like to do the same task a hundred times and find unique and interesting ways to die in ways never thought imaginable. This isn’t a skill I’d like to carry over to surgery. No one should allow me to make life or death decisions for anything else that's alive or trying to stay alive. Also, I have shaky hands.
With all that said, Bossa Studios made the ideal surgery simulation game for people just like me. I'm talking about Surgeon Simulator 2013 and it can be found on Steam for a mere $10. You play as a surgeon with very awkward QWOP-like controls. "Surgeon Simulator 2013 is a darkly humorous over-the-top operation sim game" boasts the Steam description. How bad/difficult the controls are is the feature that absolutely makes this game though. In no time, you’ll be shattering glass inside of exposed chests, sawing lungs off, and dropping fresh hearts on the ground like the real pros. Just when you think you have a hold on the controls you drop an active drill inside the rib cage and watch the patient die before your eyes – you make me sick.
You’ll have infinite time to perform the surgery but as you use your dexterity to perform habitual murder on your victim, he’ll start to lose blood and if you mess up enough (which you will) you'll watch the blood level plummet until your patient dies. As of now, there are three brutal levels that involve heart transplants, double kidney transplants, and of course brain transplants. After all, you’re a surgeon and you got this.
I will not pretend to be good at this game. Like most, I am embarrassingly horrific at it. Honestly I can’t remember when I’ve had more fun being so bad at something though. This game shines as you watch your friends play it for the first time or when there is a group watching every one of your ‘special’ movements. The game is absolutely beatable and there are plenty of YouTube videos out there to prove it. You must beat each level before being able to move on to the next. At this rate, I may never make it to brain surgery – that doesn’t stop my determination to get in the red zone though.
The gameplay is hilarious and addicting, the music is surprisingly amazing, and there is a ton of replayability. If you only buy this game for the sake of watching your friends play it, so you can fall over from laughing at their murderous rampage, I support you and say your money was well spent. At its price and levels of joy it can bring, I strongly recommend it. The graphics get the job done and really any rig should be able to play it. I now know I made the right decision never going down the med school path. So many dead bodies…
After all, this isn’t brain surgery people.