Portal 2 Is So Old-School It Doesn’t NEED 3D or Motion Controls

One of the more surprising moments of E3 had to be Valve’s Gabe Newell walking onstage during the Sony press conference and not only confirming Portal 2 on the PS3, but basically prostrating himself before the world and declaring an undying love for the console which he previously hated with a passion. But Valve’s sudden change of heart over the console doesn’t extend to its fancy new features, as the company has stated it’s not interested in including motion controls or 3D support in Portal 2.

When asked about supporting the new techs a Valve reps simply stated that, “We don’t have any plans for that in this game right now.” So while motion controls or 3D could theoretically be retrofitted onto the game at a later date, it sounds like that’s not going to happen. Oh well, maybe they’ll finally get back to work on Half Life 2: Episode 3 now.

Pictured: Gabe Newell driving a gigantic bus
While the portal effect could be cool in 3D, it might also be rather nauseating. Consider all the sudden changes of perspective and speed found in the original, and then slap on a pair of potentially headache-inducing 3D glasses and imagine how things could all go terribly wrong. For most folks games are less fun when you need to keep a bucket nearby in case you get sick. Ultimately, the disorienting nature of Portal makes it a franchise better kept to a flat screen.

As for motion controls, the main question is what would they really add? This isn’t a twitch game and none of the puzzles or gameplay mechanics really require a pointer. The best thing that can be said is that supporting Move would be akin to providing mouse support for the game, but if that’s what a player really wants then why not just buy the Steam version?

So while Valve may be safely aboard the PS3 money train they are letting their legs dangle outside the boxcar. Just because the console has 3D and motion controls doesn’t mean we have to support it dagnabit! Now leave Gabe alone while he goes to the corner to hold his breath and count his money.