So, yesterday, as part of its Tokyo Game Show presentation, Capcom finally revealed its long-rumored reboot of the Devil May Cry series, at the hands of Ninja Theory, the developer behind Heavenly Sword and the upcoming Enslaved. While it looks like most of its combat is intact (complete with sword slinging, demonic arms and gunplay), we can’t help but notice that something’s different. Dante…isn’t quite himself anymore. He’s gone from a leather-clad, white-haired demon knight to…this.
He’s suddenly turned into an emo-laden youth who smokes cigarettes and suddenly prances around like a deadly ballerina. Really, Capcom? This is what you turned Dante into? We still have faith that DMC (the title of the announced game) will play well, but this is a revamp we can’t quite get over. In fact, the new Dante looks quite familiar. Kinda like these guys…
Hilary Swank from Boys Don’t Cry
Even though Swank has moved on to bigger and better acting jobs (such as Million Dollar Baby and, dare we say it, P.S. I Love You), one of her most pivotal roles had her playing a boy, romancing girls in the dramatic Boys Don’t Cry. Her resemblance to Dante is pretty damn close, and the fact that the title has Cry in it makes the similarities just a bit scarier. Now, if only she had a sword and guns to fend off the other guys…
A grown up (and pissed off) Eddie Munster
Teens go through a transition period when they go through puberty. But what if young Eddie Munster, the child star of the ’60’s TV sitcom The Munsters, had grown up with an emo attitude? He’d almost be just like the new Dante, beating up demons left and right and smoking cigarettes to defy his Munster parents and get the goad of Grandpa. And the last thing you want to do is anger a vampire, even an old, laugh-inducing one. Speaking of vampires…
Yes, every girl’s favorite vampire. Why would we mention this guy? Well, aside from looking completely depressed (probably couldn’t get over the “should I or should I not bite my girlfriend” spiel) he’s stuck in a morbid world where night is day and things don’t often make sense. Plus he’s constantly battling demons of his own kind, along with the worst kind of competitor — a werewolf/human hybrid who refuses to wear a shirt. Unless you’re a teenage girl, that would depress anybody. And that’s not even mentioning what Pattinson served up in Remember Me. Yuck.
Matthew Patel, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The first evil ex that Scott runs across in Edgar Wright’s brilliant (yet sorely overlooked) comic book movie adaptation is Matthew Patel, an emo kid who could never quite get over Ramona Flowers leaving him. So how does he strike back? With flying fists and kicks, and a few love demons thrown in for good measure. Hmm…sounds like something the new Dante would conjure up. Perhaps they’re twins…? Nah.
On a side note, another star from Scott Pilgrim, Kieran Culkin, looks like Dante too. A gay Dante, but a Dante nonetheless.
Even though the Jonas Brothers are far from demonic (they’re wearing purity rings, for crying out loud), Joe Jonas definitely looks the most like Dante in the bunch. We wouldn’t be surprised if they performed a set from their Camp Rock movies and, all of a sudden, demons broke out to break up the madness. The only difference? Aside from the screaming girls, the audience would probably be thankful. Where’s our Anamanaguchi CD at?
Now, this Dante clone we refuse to make fun of. Why? Because 30 Seconds To Mars is badass, that’s why. Jared Leto, the lead singer of the group, definitely has the Dante look dialed in, right down to the hair and guyliner. The only thing missing is a big sword and a cigarette in his mouth — but considering how hard he rocks “The Kill”, we’ll look past the missing ingredients. Perhaps 30 Seconds To Mars should provide the game’s soundtrack. Just a thought.
Gerard Way, lead singer for My Chemical Romance
Speaking of hard-rocking Dante clones, we nominate Gerard Way into the group. Like Leto, he’s got the “rock so hard I’ve gone emo” look down tight, and he also knows how to carry a great tune like “Welcome To the Black Parade” and “Helena”. If Dante were a rock star, he’d probably be this guy…and he’d tell you that he’s not okay.
Emo Peter Parker
If you want proof that an emo-driven superhero isn’t the way to drive your product, look no further than Spider-Man 3. When Tobey Maguire’s character, Peter Parker, dons the black suit and begins developing a major emo attitude, the movie literally grinds to a halt as he sneers through every scene. Then the dance number begins and…hoo boy. That killed the enjoyment of Spider-Man 3 for us, so Capcom better tread lightly. And for that matter, don’t include Topher Grace either.
That’s right, George McFly himself made the list. The closest resemblance to Dante we could find was the Creepy Man Glover played in the Charlie’s Angels movies, a weird freak who carried a sword, smoked a cigarette (like Dante!) and slicked his hair back with only the finest of tar-covered hair gel. Oh, and he had a thing for Drew Barrymore’s hair. We doubt Dante will have such a fetish, but he’ll probably have something weird in its place — like peeping at Lea Thompson from a tree.
A young, angry Darren Stevens (from Bewitched)
Finally, we have our most oddball choice, but, hey, the guy married a witch. That sounds like something Dante would do. This guy was pretty calm in the Bewitched series, but if we were to run into him before he married Samantha, we’d probably find an angry soul who wants nothing to do with demonic powers and an intolerance for ridiculousness. Sounds like something Dante would do — but without the boorish mother-in-law.
Who do you think Dante resembles? Give us your answers in the comments below!