Katy Perry is hot right now. I mean, she’s hot all the time, but she’s, like, popular right now. She’s conquering music three singles at a time – that’s because there’s three singles of her on the radio at a time – and now she’s expanding into the video game business. She’s already the face of Just Dance 3 and it was just announced that in The Sims Showtime that you’ll be able to get decked out in costumes and props from her California Dreams tour.
But what if this isn’t enough for gamers that lust… uh, I mean, gamers that are huge fans of Katy Perry. I know I’d like to see more of her in video games. I liked to see more of her everywhere, especially in spots I frequently visit – like my bedroom.
So it gives me – and hopefully you – great pleasure to list the ten games that we want Katy Perry as DLC in.
You see where I’m going with this, right? Whenever there’s a top list of the hottest female game characters, Bayonetta is on it. So imagine DLC where you weren’t playing as Bayonetta, but as Katy Perry. Her, whipping her blue hair around her body, but shots galore, and all while slaying enemies. Perry might not go for the violence, so we would have to put Russell Brand’s head on each of the enemies. Then I’m sure she’d be okay with it.
9 The Black Eyed Peas Experience
You know what would make this game so much better? If you took away the Black Eyed Peas and inserted Katy Perry. As a matter of fact, make all of the Katy Perry songs DLC also, and you might as well make it DLC to rename the game ‘The Katy Perry Experience.’ There, now that sounds like a much better game already.
Okay, so this game isn’t living up to expectations. We here at GameZone gave it a less than stellar review. You know what could right the ship immediately? If you guessed trading it in and getting what you can for it, you’re not wrong, but I was going more down the ‘Let’s make Katy Perry a playable character’ path. Face it, you’re going to die so much in this game that you’re going to want to break you console. However, if you were playing as the beautiful Katy Perry, I think the monsters and puzzles would be so attracted to you that they’d be far more forgiving with their difficulty.
7 Sesame Street’s Once Upon a Monster
This is further down on the list than it should be, but for good reason – it’s a game geared towards kids. So obviously, adding Katy Perry as DLC – with her clad in her Elmo shirt, glasses, pigtails, and cleavage – to take the place of the real Elmo, would be more for the adults that own this game. Maybe you could only use that DLC when your little ones are asleep. You don’t want them saying, “Daddy, why are Elmo’s eyes bulging like that? They’re so big!”
6 Final Fantasy
Have you seen what Final Fantasy characters look like? It’s like Square Enix hired the costume designers from Katy Perry’s tour. Katy Perry – in all her ice cream cone bras and pink wigs and shorty shorts – is more Final Fantasy than the actual Final Fantasy characters at this point. Make her a downloadable character – a white mage or something. Or make her shoot whipped cream from her boobs as one of her attacks. I don’t know; all I know is that her as DLC for this series makes too much sense.
5 Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3
At this point, why not? Heck, Phoenix Wright is in it, so why not Katy Perry. Could you imagine a virtual Katy Perry in the art style of this fighting game? It’s like a match made in heaven. And the way the screen goes all crazy during a special move could look like the California Girls video. Heck, Snoop could be her partner. If Capcom doesn’t get her as DLC, you know that Mortal Kombat will snatch her up.
4 Call of Duty
I don’t know how this would work, but it’s pretty much the only thing that Activision could do to get me to buy another Call of Duty game. You could maybe make parts of her costume available as DLC to customize your armor and guns online. Or maybe make a map based on one of her music videos. I don’t know. All I know is that her in CoD would be the only thing that would bring me back to the series.
Does this really need explanation? If it does, then well here it is. The DLC could be a series of episodic DLC releases, each containing new puzzle stages and following a new succubi that is seducing other cheaters. So Katy Perry could be one of the DLC packs, maybe Mila Kunis another time, and Scarlett Johansson as another. Also, Katy is short for Katherine, which can also be spelled Catherine. Coincidence? I think not. And have you seen the SNL skit where Katy acts like an anime girl in J-pop American Fun Time? Her in anime, in little, tiny lingerie, on top of whoever the guy is… sign me up. Consider that DLC bought already.
2 Star Wars the Old Republic
So this couldn’t really work as DLC, but it could be in a future expansion. Make Katy a companion. I want to see her as a Twi’lek, shaking her ass for my viewing pleasure. Please, BioWare, make this happen. My Sith Assassin can get lonely travelling the galaxy and striking down Jedi, and it would be so much easier to do all of this with a Katy Perry Twi’lek entertainer dancing and singing by my side. You know players will play however they have to in order to sleep with her too. “You’re light side? Really? Well I got some light side for ya, right here in my pants.”
1 Mass Effect 3
With all the wigs she has and the makeup she wears, she already looks like she could be a character in the Mass Effect universe. She could easily be some DLC where you’re assigned to protect a famous entertainer. She gets kidnapped, and you need to get her back. It’s kind of like the Bodyguard, except instead of Kevin Costner, it’s Commander Shepard. Instead of Whitney Houston, it’s alien Katy Perry. Oh… and the sexy striptease or Miranda-like love scenes that BioWare could do… ANYWAYS! If you’re having a hard time seeing her in Mass Effect as DLC, then just listen to her song E.T.
Do you remember that tech/game demo that Peter Molyneaux used when showing of Project Natal, now known as the Kinect? It was interaction in a video game like the world has never seen. You would talk to the game, they would talk back depending on your responses. You would interact by drawing pictures and describing it, the game would read it back. You’d go play in a pond and see your reflection. Oh, did I mention it was all with a 12 year old boy named Milo? Awkward! The whole thing just came off as creepy.
What was great were the possibilities of interactions that you can have as yourself with a game character. Now, imagine that game character is Katy Perry. Imagine the interaction is… well, you get the idea.
You can follow Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ