Grand Theft Auto V Rumor Central

Everyone just calm the hell down.  Yes, Grand Theft Auto V was announced.  It's not that surprising.  We all knew they wouldn't stop making GTA games.  Since its announcement, there have been rumors flying around the social media world.  Some of the rumors you might have heard are:

  • Grand Theft Auto V will take place in L.A. or its equivalent, possibly San Andreas — Kotaku and IGN
  • Will take place in the Washington D.C. equivalent, due to the logo looking like a pound note — IGN
  • Game will have multiple characters — Kotaku and IGN
  • Female protagonist, please!” — IGN's Twitter

Listen, I already called the female protagonist thing back in June in an article I wrote, The Top 5 Games That Need a Kick in the Ass.  I'm going to quote myself.  In that article, I wrote:

"GTA needs get back its humor. It needs the most compelling character its ever had. I personally think that it's time for the main character to be female."

Hmm…guess I'm the Nostradamus of gaming.  Gamestralanceus?  Okay, so the nickname needs a little works.  I also called out the Madden series: added tons of new features; the knifing in Call of Duty multiplayer: they removed the Lightweight and Commando perks to fix the knifing problem; called out Halo: Reach for getting boring: new studio takes over the Halo franchise; and World of Warcraft needing cosmetic armor changes and a new class: they added the ability to use the look of any armor in the game with end-game stats, as well as the addition of the Monk class.

Now, we have the internet flooded with rumors for GTA V.  When I saw tweet this: "Where do you think Grand Theft Auto 5 will be set? Let the speculation commence," I got pissed.  Let the speculation commence?!  YOU'RE THE ONES THAT ARE DOING ALL OF THE SPECULATING!  They never list any sources.  It's always someone "close to the game" or "familiar with the series."  I'm familiar with the series, too.  You know how?  I've played them. 

While we are at it, I'll add my own predictions, just for fun.

GTA V will take place in Boston, with tons of Dunkin Donuts ads and that obnoxious accent.  The main protagonist will be female and will wear a pink Boston Red Sox hat because "it looks cute.  Like, Johnny Damon is soooo hot."  HE DOESN'T PLAY FOR THEM ANYMORE!


You can follow Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ Ya know, in case you wanna yell at him.