Furbys are returning this fall, the Mayans were right

U-nye-way-loh-nee-way: directly translates to “go to sleep now.”  These are the last ‘words’ you may ever hear.  For the face of evil has returned.  The sins of 1998 have finally caught up with us.  You thought it had gone away… you ignorant fool.  It just waited in the darkness biding its time.  With new technological advances it’s back and has schizophrenia – just perfect.  Game over man.

Blame Hasbro for the resurrection of the Furby.  Yes, the Furby.  The very “toy” that got banned by the PENTAGON for being a threat to national security… will be brought back on shelves this fall.  Yea, I mean, because, why would we NOT bring back something that the United States’ Department of Defense had decommissioned?  Isn’t this the plot to like a half dozen horror movies?

The NEW Furby has very large LCD eyes they change in animation quite often.  Each of these terrors comes with several ‘personalities’ that it can trance and change. So schizophrenia isn’t one of my over exaggerations.  Oh, and “evil” is one of the personalities.   So that’s a thing.  Don’t let the “innocence” personality fool you.


As far as updated technology goes, the Furby will penetrate your iOS devices with its own interactive app.  You can feed the beast through digital foods to sooth its rage.  It’s all fun and games until you digitally / realistically feed it human flesh.  From here on out it is a downward spiral.  Oh, and they are physically larger than the previous Furbys; because why the hell not?

So this fall you’ll be able to buy these fuzzy destroyers for $60.  Or… you can choose to not damn all of humanity and join your local resistance and prepare for the revolution.

The choice is yours, mankind.