originals\ Sep 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm

You're Not a Real Gamer If...


Have you ever been told you're not a real gamer because you didn't know a certain term? Or because you didn't try the DX edition of a retro game? I hate that shit. This happened to me recently. This person—who from this point forward shall be known as Grundle—had a back and forth with me that went something like this:

Me: How do you reboot Tetris? The game will always be the same. Changing the colors and adding effects isn't a reboot.

Grundle: Well, as a matter of fact (I wish you could hear how he said it, in his elitist tone), a Tetris DX game would be much wanted. Like Galaga Legions DX

Me: What does DX mean?

Grundle: You don't know what DX means?

Me: No.

Grundle: Well, that's because you're not a real gamer.

At this point, I was looking forward to the debate that was about to take place.

Me: How am I not a real gamer?

Grundle: Well you're like “here” as a gamer. (See picture below for his measurement on how much of a gamer I am.)

How much of a gamer I am chart

So, this is a very detailed and scientific chart that I am using to display the hand gesture Grundle made to me, which shows how much of a gamer I am.

Me: Because I don't know what DX means? Tell me what it means.


Grundle: It's something that you just know what it is. You have to see it.

Douchebag. It's this elitist bullshit that divides the gaming community. I'm not going to continue writing up this script, because it would be way too long. The outcome remains, though—he didn't consider me the level of gamer that he is, simply because I play games like League of Legends, Call of Duty, Madden, etc., while he prides himself in playing every Summer of Arcade title, has an arcade cabinet, owns every old-school system, and thinks the idea of Tetris DX is the greatest one ever. Apparently, retro > anything else.

Now, I don't want to come across like I hate retro and think anyone that likes it are douchebags. The Angry Video Game Nerd is freakin' hilarious; I love that guy. I just have a problem when people consider themselves more of a gamer because they play a different genre, are better at a certain game than someone else, or consider certain games to not add towards your gamer credibility.

The Angry Video Game Nerd

The Angry Video Game Nerd.

Now, I could work him 49-0 in a game of Madden. I could go 20-3 in Call of Duty with him going 2-7. But is it fair that he considers himself the better gamer because of f**kin' Galaga?! I don't think so. That's why there's so many different game genres. That's why there are different consoles and platforms to play on. No one is better than the other; it's just what you prefer. I don't consider myself more of a gamer if I am better at LoL than someone.


Retro gamers aren't the only ones guilty of this elitist crap. There are PC gamers that consider themselves to be better and have the superior experience over console gamers, and the other way around as well. Battlefield players know what I'm talking about.

There's the MMORPG elitist. That's the guy that is level 85 in WoW while you're 80 and rubs it in your face. He knows every detail of a boss fight because he watches a YouTube video of someone else doing it. He thinks he knows everything about your class—even though he's never played it—because he reads Elitist Jerks. However, the one MMORPG that you out-level him in, that's the worst game ever made.

Southpark World of Warcraft nerd

The perfect blend of a PC and MMORPG elitist.

There's the retro gamer that I've already mentioned. The same can also go for modern game players. There's plenty of people that think Halo is the only game out there, and if you don't play it competitively then you don't know what gaming is. Also, in this age of achievements, the developers have created gamerscore elitist. These are the gamers that, no matter how good you might be at a game, they'll say, “Oh yea? Well I've got a 100,000 gamerscore!” Wow. All that means is that you've played a lot of games. It doesn't make you better than people that play a few games passionately.


Baby playing PS3

Gamers come in all shapes and sizes. Elitists would have you believe otherwise.

The one that really bothers me is the I-hate-the-game-you-love-but-love-the-game-you-hate elitist. I'm not talking about the Hipsters that I wrote about in my Top Ten Games Hipsters Hate. I'm talking about that one friend you have. Everyone in the gaming community will hate a certain game. For example, Gods and Heroes has not received good reviews, but I have a friend that insists that it's a good game and that everyone else is stupid and doesn't know as much as he does. I asked him to tell me why it's a good game and the entire gaming community is wrong. He responded with, “it has gods. It starts you off as a gladiator. And you have to manage an estate (housing).” There you have it. Our guide on how we should review/rate games.


Nothing about the combat, quests, bugs, pvp, graphics—none of that. Just housing and gladiator. It's not only this game. They purposefully troll everyone with shitty games and make comments in an attempt to piss you off. This guy considers himself superior to you because he magically saw the game for what it truly is—a gem in a sandbag (his words, not mine).

Don't lump Jim Sterling into this group. He doesn't think he's better than other gamers. He just has a strong opinion about some games. It's popular to hate Jim Sterling because he talks shit back to those that disagree. Same thing goes for The Escapist's Zero Punctuation, starring Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw. While he rags on all the popular games, and occasionally those that play them, he does so with humor. He calls out the obvious about a game, but he takes it to extremes. He's never said he's better than anyone that likes these games. He's a critic, not an elitist.

The point is, Grundle is wrong. You can't say that you're more than a gamer than someone else because you know a certain gaming term or like a certain genre. I mean... you can, but you sound d*ck. And that's what elitists are—d*cks.

You can follow Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ

About The Author
Lance Liebl Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"
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