originals\ Sep 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm

The One Thing I'm Surprised Got Left Out of Gears of War 3


Okay, so I bought Gears of War 3, and I love it. It's a ton of fun and I'm so happy with what Epic Games has given us. However, there was one thing that Cliff Bleszinski and company left out that really surprised me. Where are the zombies? There's no f**kin' zombies anywhere in the game. We are living in the age of zombies--I say zombies and not vampires, because only 30-something year-old women unhappy with their marriage like glittery vampires with purposely disheveled hair. The rest of us like zombies.

Think about it. If you wanna sell games, tv shows, or movies, you have to have zombies. Call of Duty: Black Ops Rezurrection DLC is devoted to zombies. ON THE F**KIN' MOON! Like, there's no way that Gears 3 can compete with something like that. Let's think about all the big upcoming or recently-released media with zombies: Dead Island, Dead Rising 2: Off the Record, World War Z, The Walking Dead Season 2, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, the previously mentioned Call of Duty: Black Ops, some new Resident Evil games, Zombieland 2, supposedly a 28 Months Later, and, unfortunately, another Resident Awful movie.

Gears of War 3 Zombies
Sure, Horde mode is a blast. Sure, five players can play co-op together over Xbox Live, but after a few months, players are going to be wishing they had some zombies to slay. Call of Duty has proven that you can have a game where zombies don't fit into the canon at all, and you can use them anyways. It's a gimic. And guess what Epic, it works! Gimic away! While we are at it, here's a list of other games that would be smart to include zombies in them: Animal Crossing; Barbie Horse Adventures; Sonic Generations; Battlefield 3; Resident Evil (they've moved away from zombies); Halo Combat Evolved Anniversary (if you're making the game better, then add zombies, they were sorely missed in the first playthrough); and the next seven Capcom fighting games that will be released before December (how have they not thought of that? They make Resident Evil!).

Honestly Cliff, I have no idea what you were thinking. Zombies are a cash cow. How dare you give us an amazing game without zombies? Sans zombies, no game should be rated above an 8.

You can follow Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ

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Lance Liebl Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"
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