originals\ Dec 19, 2011 at 10:02 am

5 Ways Kim Jong-il Would've Died in a Video Game


I don't usually try to turn death into a joke—but it's Kim Jong-il. People are not quite going 'Bin Laden' over this Elvis impersonator's death, but many are taking to the internet and Facebook to rejoice. I won't rejoice. It's Kim Jong-il; I expected him to die from something other than a heart attack. I at least thought Team America would have something to do with it.

Alas, it was a heart attack. I want to imagine his passing on in gamer scenarios, though. How boring would it be if Makarov died from a heart attack in Modern Warfare 3? Lame—I know. So here are some cooler, more gamer-centric ways that ol' Kimmy boy could've passed.


Rescuing Paula

So while Kim Jong-il doesn't have quite the same amount of passion and latino spice that Garcia Hotspur has, this would've been a much more fitting death. I mean, the guy is going to spend the afterlife in hell anyways (if you believe in heaven or hell), why not spend it trying to rescue Paula? I don't think his Johnson would be quite as big—or funny—but watching him run over demon breasts would be quite entertaining.


Modern Warfare 4

So...no Makarov anymore. Russians have been milked for all they're worth. A Kim Jong-il-esque leader could have been the villain for the next Modern Warfare game. I mean, he still could, but now it would be tasteless—kinda like this article.


PETA creates a game where Mario wears Kim Jong-il as a Tanooki Suit

Just picture it. Did you picture it? Okay, did you laugh? If you did, you're going to hell. If you didn't, then what the hell is wrong with you?


Batman kills him in Arkham City sequel

Then I remembered...Batman doesn't kill people.


Becomes a test subject of GlaDOS

It's only a matter of time before a Portal 3 comes out. Wouldn't it be awesome to play as Test Subject-il? This might be paying too much tribute to him, but the people of North Korea would probably love it.  Of course, anyone else in the world wouldn't want to beat the game; I think they'd purposely be failing the first level.


So there you go. Tasteless, I know. But all of these would've been a lot cooler than a heart attack that brought down Kim Jong-il.


Follow me on Twitter @Lance_GZ

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Lance Liebl Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"
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