originals\ Sep 27, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I Use Stereotypical Gaming Phrases to Sound Like a Gamer


Ladies, do not insult male gamer intelligence. We know what you're doing. You're trying to cash in and be trendy—and I don't like it one bit. You're trying to get new fans. I'm talking to the likes of Alana Evans and Megan Fox—who I believe are pretending to be gamers to get fans.

First, let's take Alana Evans, who started a site called pwnedbygirls.com. In that site, she plays games with, against, and for fans, but her and her other gamer girls have their tops off. Wow. This is low. Listen ladies, if I'm going to be watching you topless, you better be doing something a helluva lot more physical than playing Gears of War. If my wife is reading this, then I have no idea what these ladies would be doing topless... love you.

Honestly, what are they going to say in their game review sections? “Well, Gears of War 3 didn't give me herpes. So that's good.” Then they went and said that they're going to “pwn some n00000bs with [their] b00bs.” Really? Ugh—okay. “Pwn” and “noobs” are what people that don't play games automatically go to when they think of gamers. We all don't use pwn and noobs. Most d*cks and trolls do. It's just really typical—ya know? It's the stereotype of what people thing gamers sound like.

Megan Fox—where to begin? Okay, you're hot; we know. But stop pretending that you play so much Halo that it's scary. You haven't acted well in a single movie you've been in, and I'm not about to buy into this act. She's just doing this because she's not relevant in any way, and she sees gaming as an easy way to get popular. She says in an interview with Collider, a movie site, that “It is sick… I have Halo: Reach, but I am playing online. I don’t really play in story mode anymore.” No sh*t. That goes for everyone that has owned the game for more than a week. I even said to Mike Splechta, “Story mode? Really? Is that what the campaign is called?” He responded, “She doesn't know any better.” Exactly. If she plays so much Halo: Reach and calls the campaign story mode, then she is right—it is sick.

Megan Fox Gaming
You know who I believe really plays video games? Mila Kunis. She played a World of Warcraft Alliance Mage. What else was she going to do while dating Macaulay Culkin? She knew terms, could name guilds, and came off genuine. Megan Fox is trying to paint her self as the badass actress of gaming (actress being a very loose term). I know Megan Fox has talked about gaming in the past, specifically about Mortal Kombat, Viva Pinata, and Lego games. Coincidentally, she was promoting a Transformers game at that time.

This is completely intended for D-or-lower-list celebrities that are wh**ing gaming out. Yes, I consider Megan Fox a D-list celebrity, regardless of her looks, because of Jennifer's Body and Jonah Hex. Note: this does not pertain to booth babes at gaming expos; they are hired as models, not gamers.

I'm not writing this to complain about all girls that play games. Real female gamers—at least the ones I know—don't throw around the fact that they're a girl that plays video games, so they should be every nerd's wet dream. They just want to be considered a gamer. During a time when celebrities try to put themselves into every market to increase their cash-earning potential, be wary of ploys like this. Soon, we'll have Sarah Palin saying, “Oh sure, I play Call of Duty every day and pwn some Socialist noobs.”

You can follow Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ.

About The Author
Lance Liebl Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"
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