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I Don't Care About Battlefield 3 ... Or Modern Warfare 3

The fact that I absolutely detest military shooters probably doesn't make me the most popular guy around. Hell, the fact that I've chosen to be a games journalist means that I've chosen a life of scrutiny from angry fanboys and close-minded individuals who don't believe anyone should have an opinion besides them. That said, my utter disdain toward military shooters probably tops the list. Let's get one thing perfectly clear: I understand why people play Call of Duty. I get that it's an incredible FPS series and that it offers an enthralling experience for gamers who are into it. However, I personally think Call of Duty is one of the ugliest franchises ever created, and in my opinion, it has no style or personality whatsoever.

Admittedly, I was pretty interested in playing Battlefield 3 a few months ago, but the more I saw of the game, as well as other titles, the less I wanted anything to do with DICE's upcoming shooter. Unlike Call of Duty, I don't think Battlefield 3 is a hideous game. I think the devs did an amazing job with the visuals, and there's a ton of technical beauty crammed into it. I just can't say I'm very drawn to the gameplay. What made me love video games about 20 years ago was the wonderfully absurd subject matter in titles such as Super Mario Bros. and Q*bert. Stomping on baddies, shooting aliens, beating up hippies with a baseball bat. These are all elements that make me happy to be a gamer. I want as little realism in my video games, and military shooters--even the beautiful ones like Battlefield 3--are a bit too close to reality for my taste. That's why I can never be bothered to play a Call of Duty game, and that's why I'll be skipping both Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3.

There's way more style in RunMan: Race Around the World than there is in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Just sayin'.

I've watched people play military shooters. For me, it's like watching paint dry. Not just any paint, though. No, it's like watching the combination of brown and grey paint slowly drying. The aesthetic of military shooters is something I've never been able to appreciate. Sure, I see why people love the whole "shoot guys in the face" thing, but I can't grasp how gamers can be so attracted to the drab environments of these games. To each his own, I suppose, and while I would never wish for the demise of the military FPS, I would also never wish to play one. To this day I have yet to touch a Call of Duty game, and I would like to keep it that way. Maybe I'll play Battlefield 3 in the future, but not until it gets a nice price reduction. Modern Warfare 3, though, I have no interest in at all.

Battlefield 3 will be arriving on consoles soon, but there are a number of other games that I would rather play this month. The use of color and giant monsters in Rage certainly appeal to me, as does the straight-up action of Batman: Arkham City. But there's one game that I truly cannot wait for this month: Kirby's Return to Dream Land. I have a massive affinity for the Kirby franchise, and its magnificent use of color and charming characters really makes it stand out to me. You remember color, right? It's the opposite of what you see in military shooters. In all seriousness, though, no game has me more stoked this month than the pink puffball's upcoming Wii adventure. And yes, I know you all think the Wii is lame, but the fact of the matter is that there are still an incredible amount of solid games on the console, and Kirby's Return to Dream Land is one that should make for an awesome platforming experience. As amazing as Battlefield 3 may look from a technical perspective, the art design of Kirby gets my attention much, much more.

There's a great deal of style and artistry in the use of color here. Actually, there isn't.

Then there's Modern Warfare 3 in November, and I could not be less enthused for the launch of this game. For starters, I've got The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword to look forward to next month. That's right, another Wii title. The fact is, Zelda is an iconic franchise, just like Call of Duty is an iconic franchise. But Zelda is something I grew up with, and if I could only choose one game to get between now and the end of the year, Skyward Sword would be it. The lore and artistry of the game appeals to me greatly. Meanwhile, nothing about Modern Warfare 3 stands out to me or piques my interest.

I'm so glad I'm not limited to one purchase for the rest of the year, because there's one game other than Skyward Sword that I can't wait to play this November. Unlike Modern Warfare 3, this game will boast an array of color, crazy characters, awesome environments, and giant dildos. That's right, I'm talking about Saints Row: The Third. Just like Modern Warfare 3, there are a bunch of guns and explosions in this upcoming open world action-adventure game. Unlike Modern Warfare 3, there are crazy amounts of style and personality crammed into the package. Saint Row: The Third exemplifies everything that made me become a gamer in the first place. It's loud, it's hectic, and it's out there. There's nothing truly realistic about all of the insanity in this title, and that matters to me much more than the attempt at realism on the part of Modern Warfare 3.

I drew a picture to show how I feel about this whole thing. UMADBRO?

Once again, I would like to emphasize that I understand exactly why Call of Duty is such a revered franchise. It does what it sets out to do in prime fashion. I just don't give a sh*t about what it sets out to do. I know there are countless gamers out there who disagree, and I also know there are a handful of you who do agree. Battlefield 3 is a largely different story because it's attempting to provide a slightly different experience while dishing out some of the best graphics of this generation. With a completely original story for the single-player campaign, I can really appreciate the less obvious direction that Battlefield 3 is going in. That's why I would much rather play that game than the next installment of Call of Duty. Of course, there are countless other games I'd rather play than Battlefield 3.

I hope gamers who buy Modern Warfare 3 really get the most out of it and enjoy it fully. I hope the Battlefield 3 crowd gets something new and impressive from the military shooter genre and has something else to play besides Call of Duty. As for me, I'll be enjoying the heck out of Kirby's Return to Dream Land, Saints Row: The Third, and The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. I'll be enjoying the titles that feel like video games and provide a fantastical experience, straying as far away from realism as possible. And I'll be enjoying all of the bright colors that military shooters don't have in their primarily brown and grey environments.

Hey, it's totally OK to not like military shooters.

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David Sanchez David Sanchez is the most honest man on the internet. You can trust him because he speaks in the third person.
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