After hordes of rumors that New Line’s Gears of War adaptation was dead in the emulsion, the LA Times now says “the film’s story and budget have been scaled back.” Apparently it’s been transformed from “a multi-generational epic with a big-canvas feel” to “a more simple, straight-ahead invasion story.” Len Wiseman, of Live Free or Die Hard and Underworld fame, has turned his attention elsewhere, and New Line is looking to replace Wanted writer Chris Morgan’s current script with something less epic.
When news like this goes public, it starts to become painfully obvious that interest in the property is waning. The only way for New Line to do this thing right will be to throw as much money, time and resources at the film as Microsoft and Epic have thrown at the previous two iterations of their baby. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. Even if it still gets made, now, the Gears movie probably won’t have enough soul to buy Dante a chocolate shake in Hell.
On the other hand, it can be argued that a film sprawling through generations of Gear-on-Locust combat was essentially a bigger bite than any filmmaker could have chewed. Scaling back the story may allow the plot to be more focused, and the characters will almost certainly be more fleshed out.
Either way, the budget setback is a huge blow to the film’s prospects. Gamers need to ask themselves what exactly we might be missing out on, though. This may not be the best place to insert a rant, but come on! Street Fight: The Legend of Chun-Li. Max Payne. Hitman. Bloodrayne. Dead or Alive? Really?
Granted, Gears of War is infinitely more suited to a film adaptation than a game franchise that is literally about breasts, but the fact is- get ready for a revelation- video game movies suck. Kombo readers, put aside your hatred of flawed review aggregator Metacritic for a moment, and absorb the fact that not one of those films scored above a 40. Street Fighter and Bloodrayne rest smugly below 20. This is just in the last five years, and whether Uwe Boll is involved or not, it appears game movies are best avoided.
Yet, regardless of the travesties that have come before it, Gears doesn’t lend itself well to the silver screen for a number of reasons. Any actual human as broad and ripped as Marcus Fenix, besides being a complete freak, probably wouldn’t be able to stand up, like a woman with the proportions of a Barbie doll. Besides, both Gears games so far have contained enough plot to fuel about half a feature length movie, despite clocking in at dozens of hours combined. Such is the nature of most games, though Uncharted 2 avoided that particular pitfall by throwing a plot twist in after every other level. Don’t take that as an endorsement of an Uncharted film, though.
What about the Prince of Persia adaptation coming out this year? Jake Gyllenhaal’s presence may provide the oomph necessary for the film to do the games justice, but then again, it might not. He looks pretty ridiculous with that hair, anyway. The fact is, the game industry, Gears of War fans and the human race as a whole may be dodging a bullet if this thing never sees the light of day. Let’s hope someone cares enough to pull the plug, as Bungie did when the Halo movie’s prospects started to look bleak. The film was doomed, and Bungie simply refused to make a bad adaptation of their beloved franchise.
The LA Times signed off on their report with a zinger: “Original ideas are hard to get off the ground these days, but those behind them may want to be thankful for one thing: at least they’re not developing video games.” Ouch.
