originals\ Apr 24, 2012 at 10:42 am

5 games that should go the Assassin's Creed 3 route


I've played a little of the Assassin's Creed series. I think they're great games, but after finishing the first game, I grew tired of the environment. Yes, I know Italy is not Jerusalem or Damascus. And I know that Constantinople is not Italy. But admit it, all the cities felt alike. Everything looked the same, they all looked dusty, and it's like the same architects designed the buildings in all three games, just inviting assassins to come and run amok in their streets. That's why I was so happy when Assassin's Creed III announced that they're coming to Revolutionary War America.

I cracked open a Budweiser (not Bud Light, I mean Budweiser, with all its redneck taste and NRA glory) and reveled in the fact that the environment would finally be changing. We get colonial architecture; we get trees; and by god, we no longer have to deal with sand. Note: If there is a scene on a beach, that doesn't count.

It got me thinking, what other games could use a change of scenery? I'm not necessarily talking a different time, be it past or future, but maybe a different locale. I feel like after three games in a series, you should drastically alter the environment the player should play in to, ya know, keep things fresh. Imagine what a new locale could do for some of your favorite games!

mass effect assassin's creed mashup

So here's some games that I think could use a different setting, and why I think that. Heck, I'll even offer an idea for that different setting.


5 Resident Evil

Before I thought of Resident Evil, our Community Manager, Tatiana, said Pac-man. Where else are you gonna put Pac-man. Maybe the maze from The Goblet of Fire, but that's all I could think of. So stupid... anyways, I'm kinda over the Resident Evil settings. It's always a dark mysterious, fog-filled village, or an African village where something is not quite right with the villagers, or a mysterious Mansion on the outskirts of town, or Raccoon City... which is mysterious once it has the outbreak and is a mess.

Thank the heavens that Resident Evil 6 has portions in Japan. While I'm sure it'll be a mysterious take on Japan, where something is not quite right with the Japanese — guess what Capcom, there's already something not quite right with them; they made Inochi Kun and 2 girls 1 cup.  Note: It was brought to my attention that it takes place in China, but I couldn't tell the f**kin' difference. Go with Christ.

Instead, bring Resident Evil to a place that only the Resident Evil movies will probably bring us in two or three more movies — space. Yea, you read that correctly, mutha f**kin' Resident f**kin Evil in space. Some of you might be thinking, “Lance, there's already a survival-horror/third-person shooter in space. It's called Dead Space.” To you I say, yes. There is. And it's awesome. And it is what Resident Evil used to be to me: scary, edge of your seat survival-horror action at its finest. Space is the final frontier and the only place that Resident Evil can probably redeem itself.

resident evil dead space mashup


4 Mega Man

Right now he's on the f**king moon, and anywhere is better than that. Go back to Earth, or Megaland, or Videoland, or whatever/wherever the Mega Man games take place. Go into the future. Go into the past and kill dinosaurs. I don't care. Just, please... HELL, just start over with a reboot. That's popular right now. Or make it a board game, then a blockbuster summer flick, and then a first-person shooter. Do you see how desperate people are for another Mega Man?!!!


3 Uncharted

The Uncharted series is amazing. It's visually stunning and IGN said that Uncharted 3 is the reason they play video games. It's a cinematic masterpiece. Blah blah blah, we've heard it all. It's all just a little too all over the place for me. Between the jungle, deserts, and jumps made awkward by camera controls, I need something different. Now, they've done a great job of changing up locations with London, Yemen, France, Colombia, the Arabian Peninsula, an ice temple, a jungle, Nepal, a Turkish jail, a Tibetan village — you get the idea.

I think at this point I'm too well-traveled. Now, I'm not saying that he needs to settle down and become a professor, eventually leading to an Uncharted game where Shia LaBeouf is his son, but I need some stability. I'd like to see an Uncharted game that takes place in one city — like Washington D.C. or something like that. Will it feel like National Treasure? Of course it will, but it'll be better because we have Nolan North voicing the awesome character of Nathan Drake, instead of getting Nicolas Cage as Ghost Rider as Balthazar as Ben Gates, all the while wishing he was really playing Superman (he named his son Kal-el for crying out loud).

uncharted and national treasure

We get hidden treasure in historical monuments around our nation's capitol; we get car chases and shootouts on Constitution Avenue; and he can be against the Secret Service and a mercenary group of treasure hunters. The furthest I want him traveling is to Baltimore to get some Blue crabs (not the other crabs... we don't want to taint his sex appeal) and watch an Orioles game. Politics will play a heavy role and power players will be introduced. The best thing for Uncharted would be to go to a place that is charted... all of it... by cameras... and the CIA.

Never mind, this idea sucks.


2 Batman: Arkham City

Where else can a Batman game take place? We very well can't have Arkham Europe, or Arkham Jamaica. But remember, Bruce Wayne is a playboy billionaire. Tony Stark finds time to get away and have fun, and that's exactly what Batman needs to do. Lighten up a little Batty. Maybe he's on vacation with a group of models on his yacht. Maybe he's at his timeshare in Vegas. Maybe if he wasn't always in the gloom and doom of Gotham then he wouldn't talk with such a raspy voice (must be the smog).

I'm just saying, there's crime elsewhere. Maybe he travels to an alternate universe Gotham City where it's campy and corny, and there's POW and THWAP in text bubbles when he punches people. And Mayor Adam West from Family Guy can voice him. I'm just sayin', you stay in Gotham too long and even Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan will want to leave it. Just image how bad Batman wants to get out.


1 Mass Effect

It's so easy to pick on Mass Effect right now. All I have to say is “the ending sucked,” and half of Reddit will upvote it. There will undoubtedly be more Mass Effect games, and they'll need to take place somewhere. It's a big universe, and since they have the Mass Relays.............. oh.... riiiiight. Forgot about that one minor detail. Yea... so, Earth? It's not like we've spent three games in the Citadel and our galaxy.


Honorable Mention: Tropico

How typical that Tropico takes place on a tropical island. It's easy to be a dictator and either build a paradise or an oppressive state when there's palm trees and the smell of the ocean to lure new sweatshop workers eh hem, citizens to your country. You know what's not easy? Being a dictator in a country where it's cold and snowy; where you aren't tan and oiled, but you need hair on your nuts to stay warm; where bears roam the streets and attack women who smell like fish (that actually happened, saw it on Tosh.O); where they're just starting to see episodes of Dawson's Creek. I am, of course, talking about any country that ends in -stan, -grad, or -burg. Change the game to that environment for the next Tropico.


You can follow Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ

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Lance Liebl Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"
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