originals\ Jun 20, 2012 at 9:00 am

3 movies we want to see remade, and 3 movies we never want to see

There are some movies that should never be made, and then there are some movies that should be made but Hollywood just screws up. I'm sure you can think of a few just off the top of your head. Some movies I saw during my childhood that I was sure were going to be awesome — only to leave scratching my head. When you have little kids scratching their heads, that's not good. It's either a really sh*tty movie or the theater they went to made them get lice from the seats.

So here are three movies that definitely need to be redone/remade/rebooted/re-whatever you want to call it, followed by three movies I never, ever... f*cking ever want to see.

3 movies that needed to be made yesterday

Super Mario Bros.

What the f*ck was with the original? How do you take the Super Mario Bros video game and turn it into that? First of all, no Peach? REALLY? Second of all, how do you have Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, and Dennis Hopper in a cast and fail to provide them with anything that closely resembles a workable script?

There's nothing I can say about Super Mario Bros that hasn't already been said. It is one of the worst movies ever. If aliens were going to invade, our best shot at survival would be to broadcast Super Mario Bros to them in the hope of them hightailing it out of here.

A new Super Mario Bros movie would have to actually try to resemble the game. Someone that loves the series should write the script. And as long as we don't let Uwe Boll direct it, it can't be any worse than the original. But after Nintendo saw what Mario looked like last time it was on the big screen, it's a long-shot that there will ever be another attempt at the Mario brothers. Still, I can't take it that the 1993 movie is out there and no one is trying to salvage it and give it a good go.


Masters of the Universe

I had a tough time putting this on the list because I loved — wait, I still love — this movie. I was a huge fan of He-Man as a child. I don't think there was a kid that didn't have He-Man underwear. Dolph Lundgren was an awesome He-Man; the great Frank Langella was Skeletor; Courteney Cox was in it; and Robert Duncan McNeill (who played Tom Paris, my favorite character in Star Trek: Voyager) played a tune that gets stuck in my head til this very day.

So what went wrong with the movie? Nothing in my opinion. I just think it's unfair that this generation of youth is being exposed to Transformers and G.I. Joe, along with every super hero, yet He-Man gets the shaft. Show him some love! He's got the power!

He-Man in a Masters of the Universe remake could become insanely popular. And just think of all the merchandise! Also, I think Jon Favreau would be the perfect director for it.


Street Fighter

This movie was so full of suck that not even Jean-Claude Van Damme Raul Julia (Gomez Addams) could save it. The entire time you watch it, you'll wish you were being waterboarded instead. Who's idea was it to cast Van Damme — who can't do an American accent to save his life — in the role of Guile? As a matter of fact, the entire casting job was just atrocious.

Everything was atrocious — the fight scenes, the sound effects, the jokes, the script, the acting... oh god, how awful that acting is. This movie can be done the right way. With Mortal Kombat getting another chance at making a good movie, it's only fair that Street Fighter gets a chance to redeem itself.

You know the worst part of all this? My parents got me the Street Fighter movie-based video game...


Continue to the next page to see the 3 movies we never want to see.

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Lance Liebl Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, "yes!"
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