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The five biggest no-brainers in gaming

[Continued] Page 2

3. An HD Remake of Final Fantasy VII

Likelihood of this ever actually happening: 60%

Yeah, I went there. Hey, Square Enix? We were all super psyched when you announced a 10th anniversary remake of Final Fantasy X, and we’re excited to see that happen whenever it does, but you guys gotta know what kind of teasing you’re doing to our weird gamer sexplaces. Final Fantasy X is NOT Final Fantasy VII, guys! It’s a game we all pleasantly enjoyed, sure, but it certainly isn’t the culture-changing masterpiece, revered by almost every gamer ever as if it were holy that FFVII was! Yes, the prospect of online blitzball is exciting, but even just giving gamers the chance to watch Knights of the Round in HD would be exactly like printing money.


I don’t even like Final Fantasy VII that much. It’s a great game, of course, but it’s pretty overrated in my opinion. I much prefer the style of IX or the gameplay of XIII, and I still think VI is pretty much the best RPG ever, but you’d have to stick an icepick up my nose and scramble my brain around before I’d say any of them needed to be remade before VII! Even the simple act of announcing something like this would be the top news at whatever gaming convention it happened at, and when it finally came out, it would probably in at least the top 3 bestselling games of that year.


Perhaps the craziest part of all, though, is that Yoichi Wada, CEO of Square Enix, when asked at a shareholder’s meeting in June if a remake of the classic Playstation game would ever happen, said that he would absolutely consider doing it, and that the Final Fantasy team would happy to develop it, but only on the condition that they first made a new Final Fantasy that “exceeds the quality of FFVII’. What the hell? That’s like giving me a delicious cookie, and then refusing to give me another one until the baker can come up with one that’s even better. No wonder Square Enix has been taking so much grief over Final Fantasy lately. It’s like they’re trying to ruin our fun. Just remake our favorite game for us, please? Thanks!

4. Finally Bring Pokémon To A Home Console

Likelihood of this ever actually happening: 50%

Nintendo is a funny company, and as wonderful as most of their output is, they’re still some of the biggest trolls in the video game industry, and the reason why is simple. They rarely give us what we want. Putting a fully fleshed-out Pokémon experience on the console has been on the top of list for literally like fifteen years, and we’re still no closer to getting it. Literally, it’s like inconceivable to me why they wouldn’t even just do a straight port of one of their classic handheld titles with HD graphics. Even that would sate our appetites for a little while, not to mention make literally millions of dollars.


And of course, here comes the obligatory paragraph that tries to capture all our fantasies, where I put forth my perfect idea of what this game could be, and you all salivate over it, while simultaneously crying because it’s just a dream. HEY. NINTENDO.  CHECK IT. Here we go. One big game for the Wii U, okay? Get all the regions in there, give us like 40 badges to get, and keep all the Pokémon from each generation specific to the region they originally came from. Put a Pokémon Stadium somewhere in the mix, too. You know, somewhere we can all go to battle the Pokémon we raise in our DS and 3DS games in beautiful HD without having to pay fifty dollars for yet another Pokémon non-game console title. Oh, and just as a dope extra, in the Safari Zones, let’s use that cool panoramic video tech you guys patented for the Gamepad to power a Pokémon Snap-style photo-safari.


See? It’s that easy! I just spent five minutes thinking about it and writing it down, and literally, if Reggie just came out at E3 this year and read this word for word, I GUARANTEE you it would beat out any PS4 or Xbox 720 news you could throw at it, and investors would literally have to do everything in their power just to keep their heads from exploding into a mist of blood, eyeballs, and dollar signs. Actually, that was a little too gross. Moving on.

5. Release Every Good Virtual Console Game Everywhere Right Now

Likelihood of this ever actually happening: Hopefully 100%

Here’s the deal: Apparently, the idea of digitally releasing old video games is not something anybody fully understands yet. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have taken seven years since the Wii popularized it and everyone else jumped on board for us to have something that resembles a decent selection of games available across 3 platforms. It’s still not perfect, games are constantly being promised and then not being released for years, and until the Nintendo Direct conference on Wednesday, I’ve literally never seen a release schedule that went further ahead in time than about two weeks, but YES, plenty of good games are available, and I’m not just talking about Nintendo here, 

 virtual console

Plus, there’s a bunch of amazing games out there that STILL haven’t been released! Where’s Earthbound and Mother 3? Or any old Pokémon game? Or Mega Man Legends? Maybe some Rival Schools action? It’s crazy! And of course, there’s all the excuses of like, “Oh we’re worried about legal action” or “There’s not enough interest in the title in the US”. What the heck are you talking about? The cost versus profit ratio on any of these titles should have put any of that talk to rest before it even started! Did everyone just suddenly get lazy? And even if they did, there’s more than enough well-organized fan movements out there that’ll probably handle most of the dirty work for you if you needed them to!

 rival schools

And then, every time a new console comes out, like the 3DS, PS Vita, or the Wii U, it takes months for games that have already been out on other platforms for YEARS to become available again. Hey! Not cool! And you know, I realize that everything requires effort and time and money, but, not that much guys! Especially when most of the work has already been done! Just give us what we want! We’ll pay you for it!

Anything I missed? Hate my guts? Need a burning question answered? Leave it in the comments below, or follow my Twitter @FacianeA

Tags: Retro, Final Fantasy VII, Pokemon, Consoles, Virtual Console, NES, SNES, Editorial

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