Originals

Posted by: Alex Faciane

Earlier this week, you may have noticed a news item we posted featuring replicas of Ezio’s classic hidden assassin’s blade from the Assassin’s Creed 2 series of games being made available for sale to the general video gaming public (It feels really weird to call that a series of games, by the way). It’s life-size, straps comfortably onto your wrist, and, according to the info listed at Gamestop, CAN EXTEND A FIFTEEN INCH LONG SPRING LOADED PLASTIC BLADE FROM THE BASE OF YOUR PALM WITH THE TOUCH OF A BUTTON. Wait, wait, wait. I’m sorry, WHAT?

Just imagine the impending tragedy bound to ensue when the first little boy’s extendable blade jams as he shoves it into the soft spot beneath his friends jawbone, like you all probably would if you were ten years old and you owned something like this! Shoot, a few months after it’s released, I wouldn’t be surprised if a real world gang of stealth pee-wee class assassins is birthed from this one item’s unholy existence, spreading tiny little death and even tinier terror throughout the world, as cleanly and as swiftly as only truly skilled teensy weensy killers can! Run for the hills! The end is nigh, GameZoners!

Okay, okay, okay. So maybe we’re exaggerating a bit, but you guys have to admit, it’s pretty hilarious that such a thing really exists, and that at least one instance of someone fooling around with one is likely going to cause some poor unsuspecting sap more than a fair measure of real smarting pain. It is in this spirit that we’ve comprised a list of the five most dangerous things from games, that, if made into real-world life-size replicas, would almost certainly be disastrous to some hopelessly clumsy “Star Wars Kid”-esque oaf, that just can’t help but swing dangerous crap around in their garage all day. Here we go!

Tags: God of War, Assassin's Creed, Soul Calibur, Manhunt 2, Humor, Final Fantasy X