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Originals

Originals

The Five Worst Gaming Consoles of All Time

[Continued] Page 3

Action Max

I've always thought that you'd have to be a real son of a bitch to take a job marketing products to children. See when an adult buys something stupid, it's their fault for having huffed so much paint in high school. Kids however, are naturally dumb as rocks, and will fall for just about every trick in the book. I can't tell you how many boxes of Trix cereal I forced my mom to purchase, just waiting for the day that silly rabbit would show up and I could soundly kick his ass in defense of my delicious cereal.

You're a rabbit! STARVE AND DIE

Point is that while it's probably defensible to hawk three dollar boxes of cereal with colorful cartoon characters, straight up misleading kids into buying horrible toys takes a particularly black heart, and I imagine there's a special layer of hell reserved for the jackasses who helped market the Action Max:

Let's put this in perspective. In the 80s, kids had no goddamn idea how a video game console worked, and to be honest, their parents probably didn't either. Seeing this incredible commercial, with realistic fighter planes swooping around the sky, they had no way to suspect that the Action Max was a horrible, horrible lie.

The source of those fantastic visuals? Pre-recorded VHS tapes, all featuring giant robots or jet fighters or whatever other crappy 3D models the Action Max developers were able to whip on the computer in their garage. All five of the console's "game cartridges" were in reality nothing more than terrible, terrible movies with awkward targeting visuals scattered about the screen. This meant there was no way to really interact with these "games" at all, though the system's score display would go up if you pressed the trigger at the right time!

Best of all, it came out in 1987, right around the same time as the original Nintendo. Imagine getting an Action Max for Christmas instead of the NES you asked for:


WORST CHILDHOOD
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