news\ Sep 27, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Time to lock and load - twas the night before Christmas

December 20, 2009

Time to lock and load - twas the night before Christmas
By Dan Liebman

A different take on a classic holiday poem

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And somewhere up north
Stood a workshop abandoned
Since December the fourth

The cottage was a frightful mess
The toys sat on the shelves
No sleigh bells rang from reindeer
No caroling from elves


Some said Santa just couldn’t take it
His wife gave him too much lip
Others claimed he was a sellout
A tool of corporate sponsorship


But the last time Santa had been seen
Was a day that all would rue
For he unwrapped a brand new copy
Of Modern Warfare 2

Seduced by the sound of gunfire
It darkened Santa’s moods
He’d tell the elves “Just go away!
I’m trying to pwn some n00bs!”

No presents were distributed
That long and fateful year
With Saint Nick gaming endlessly
Christmas is lost, I fear


The latest of his hobbies
Is even more uncouth
He patrols the chimney tops
Hunting delinquent youths


Some say these rumors are pure nonsense
And he’s just delayed by ice
But if you wish to escape Santa’s wrath
Be less naughty and more nice

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