John Travolta is... The Toxic Avenger?
Not in my wildest dreams would I think this movie could exist. I don't even have the creativity to put this movie together. Cult-classic comedy/action/horror movie The Toxic Avenger is being remade. That isn't the big news, as it was announced that was happening in 2010. The news is that industry site It's On The Grid has John Travolta listed for the movie. Right...
In case you need a little refresher, The Toxic Avenger is about a 98-pound mop boy named Melvin Junko that falls into a vat of toxic waste, disfiguring him and giving him super strength. Then he kills the evil and vain health club members. The movie is so bad it's comical, and that's what makes it great. The reboot of The Toxic Avenger has this as a description:
Action-comedy remake in the vein of THE MASK... he's an environmental superhero... doesn't want it to be campy...
What. The. F**k. Action-comedy like The Mask, but doesn't want it to be campy?! That's stupid f**king logic! That is the worst contradiction I've ever seen. That's like going into Iraq and saying it's not for oil, and then the first thing we do is secure the oil fields. What the f**k Hollywood. And John Travolta? I don't get it... i just don't.
Only a day that brings us news of The Rocketeer being rebooted (which I support) could be ruined with this announcement. When I hear non-campy environmental superhero, doesn't that just make it Al Gore? Sorry, even he might be too funny for this. If any of this is true — and my God, I hope it isn't — then I want you to drive down to Deerfield Beach, Florida and kick me in the nuts. At least that'll make me feel something again after this mind-numbing news.
You can follow Movies and Culture Editor Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ