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Five Games to Avoid Playing With Your Girlfriend or Wife

February 12, 2010

Five Games to Avoid Playing With Your Girlfriend or Wife
By Dakota Grabowski

Playing these games with your girlfriend or wife is the same as telling them, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Are you attempting to convert your wife into gaming? Afraid your girlfriend will find gaming too nerdy? Well, if you are having troubles on that front, we’d like to offer you advice on games to avoid when it comes to playing games with your loved one.

5 – Army of Two: The 40th Day
Platform(s): Xbox 360, PlayStation 3

Have you told your buddies that you watched Brokeback Mountain? If so, do you remember the response you received? Now, imagine, after you ask your girlfriend to play Army of Two: The 40th Day, she goes back and tells her friends that you are playing a game that endorses an extreme amount of man-love between two heterosexual males. Yeah, it’s best to avoid ever mentioning to your girlfriend that you even own a copy of Army of Two: The 40th Day. If you already have, you better find a good explanation for playing a game that is a love letter to bro-on-bro action.]

4 – Band Hero
Platform(s): Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Nintendo Wii, PlayStation 2, Nintendo DS

Unless your girlfriend is below the age of 15 or you and your wife have children under that age, it’s recommended that you never purchase a copy of Band Hero. With tracks such as “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fallout Boy to “So Yesterday” by Hilary Duff, it’s apparent that Band Hero appeals to the 'tween crowd. So unless you are robbing the cradle, you should playing more adult-themed games such as Guitar Hero 5.

3 – Tony Hawk: Ride
Platform(s): Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Nintendo Wii

Do you enjoy seeing your girlfriend in a hospital bed? Do you enjoy seeing your girlfriend in any of the following moods: frustrated, angered, ill-tempered, royally pissed off, or annoyed? Well Tony Hawk: Ride may be right up your alley. Not only will you find your girlfriend ready to throw everything but the kitchen sink at you, but you may find yourself sleeping on the couch if you recommend that she plays Tony Hawk: Ride. The odds are that either A: she’ll get hurt or B: she’ll break something in the area.

2 – Brain Age, Are Your Smarter than a 5th Grader, Big Brain Academy, etc.
Platform(s): Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii, Xbox 360, etc.

If you’d like to insult your girlfriend’s intelligence, then by all means, ask her to play Brain Age  or Big Brain Academy with you. The more often she loses in the game, the more depressed she’ll become. If you accidentally suggest any one of the “intelligence” games, you best be prepared to lose automatically, whether on purpose or not, to keep her happy.

1 – Wii Fit, Wii Fit Plus, EA Sports Active, Jillian Michaels’ Fitness Ultimatum 2010, etc.
Platforms(s):  Nintendo Wii

Nothing says “I think you need to lose weight” better than asking your girlfriend or wife to play any one of the fitness titles. Best advice: no matter what the circumstances, never ask her to play any fitness game.

 

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